Do You Want to Stop Yelling at Your Kids?
In today’s society we have been taught 3 ways to deal with our emotions:
Ignore them, which is like trying to push a beach ball under the water…it lasts for so long, but eventually pops out from under us with a huge splash, so our emotions come out bigger and more extreme when they finally escape
Avoid them, by occupying our time with other things like social media, food, shopping, and other addictive behaviors…This may numb the feelings for a time, but when we are done numbing, the emotions are still there and we continue the cycle
Act them out, which is where the yelling, crying, or other behaviors come from
We as a society have never been taught how to recognize, validate and accept, and process our emotions
Science shows it only takes 90 seconds to 3 min. to process our emotions
As soon as you start to notice the vibrations in your body (waves of heat, or tightening of your chest, heavy breathing…whatever it is for you) that is recognition
Then we Validate and Accept: of course you are going to be upset at whatever behavior your child is doing or not doing; it makes sense that you are unhappy or angry about it
BUT instead of acting it out you process the emotion:
We do this by talking ourselves through it (talking yourself through it takes you out of your emotional brain, the amygdala, and puts you back in to your logical brain, the pre-frontal Cortez) as soon as you start talking to your self about the emotion: where you feel it, how it feels, what it feels like the emotions flow through your body, process, and releases
It sounds like a lot, but seriously it takes 1-3 min.
The more you practice this the better you will become
The less you will yell at your kids
You got this Mamma!
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